Wednesday 25 May 2011

my future plan

dah lame dah sebnanye ak nk buat entry psl  ni tapi tak kesampain disbbkn terlalu bz ditambah pula dgn kemalasan utk menaip serta berkata2 spt ini.ya, spt ini! tapi nk buat gak sbb umo pn semakin meningkat iaitu 23 ( dimana sume org start panggil ak kakak walaupn kdg2 ak rs jauh lg muda dr mrk), maka ada kesedaran disitu.lagipun next year InsyaAllah dpt jd doctor, dah dapat duit sendiri sume, bolela buat ape yg ak impi2kan (bajet gaji doktor berjuta, padahal berapa hinggit je).Tapi plan ak ini akan cuba ak tunaikan selepas dh dpt kerja.




1. Mesti ade 10-15K  dlm akaun utk bajet kahwin(ckp ke tak ntah kahwin duit byk ni je). sggh pn kedengaran sgt gatal mau kahwin walaupn xde calon, tapi ak sgt realistik orgnye.nak taknak mmg kena pkr jgk psl ni unless kalo org tu mmg tamo kahwin.lgpn ak tamola kahwin gne duit parents(takkanla sendri nk kahwin tapi gune duit org).sebnrnye ak dh plan atleast ade 10K by the time ak grad.tapi setakat ni lom smp pn 10K.mane le nk smp kalo kjp2 withdraw duit nk shoppg sana sini dgn selera makan ak yg hebat2 ni.tp ak rs mcm bole je capai target ni bile tamat 5th yr nnt.skg 2 sem je tggl.kire tolak duit yuran,kolej,buku bole kot dpt (murah je pn uitm punye fee.buku pulak gune blk textbook 3rd,4th yr).masalahnye kalo ak nk wedding hebat2 xde manenye ckp takat 10-15K tu.tp takpe akn dipikir2kn apabila tiba masenye.hahaha.tapi takdela pulak ak nk kahwin mcm anak NAZA tu(hapetah nama dia). mengarut sgt wedding hebat2 cmtu.buat perabis duit je.


mampu ke nk buat wedding cmni dgn bajet 10-15K.harapan sggh

2. Nk travel around the world.i remember one quote saying “The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page."somehow i agreed with this quote even though i can't even remember which dude has mentioned this. We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure, why don't we take chances to explore, dream and discover our beautiful world (oke.dh merepek.takpe.yg pntg u've got what i mean).yg ni mmg impian dr kecik.lg2 ak bkn dr family yg senang2 yg mampu g oversea,nek flight ke sana sini.mmg salu je jeles tgk org.tp itu yg bg ak inspirasi kot nk usaha lebih utk dpt ape ak nk(oke.dh start skema.lupekn)bile dh keje nanti,ak tak kisah pn time ni ak travel gan kawan ke sorg2 ke.yg pntg mmg nk pg.lgpn ak jenis mls nk tunggu2 org.xsuke nk depend kt org sgt nnt last2 minute xjadi lak.tp ak dh srh membe ak start collect duit after keje sbb around 2013 ak nk pg dh(ceh..yakin gile.takpe.keyakinan itu penting.hahak). mula2 ak plan nk psg satu europe dlu, pastu g egypt (teringin nk g tgk pyramid ) then br tak ksh nk g psg mana pn usa ke.yg pntg luar asia la.asia last2 br nk pg.hah...berapa ribu la tu agaknye sume.malas ak nk kire


Gosh!how i miss beaches so bad!!


3. Nk beli kereta idaman.kalau bapak ak tau part yg ni mesti dia suke gle (FYI, family ak sume gile kete.xmkn pn tape janji kete hebat!hahak)tapi viva hijau ak simpan jgk la.lame berkhidmat gan ak.frankly speaking, ak ni tadela suka sgt drive sbb ak cpt sakit hati pastu maki2 org dlm kete.sbb tu pg2 g cls mmg tmpg org je dgn ngantoknye xckp tdo gan stressnye jam pg2.wohhhh!tension!tp cube srh drve nk g berske ria or shopping, cepat je langkah.hahaha.neway, back to the topic, ak nk bli kete volkswagen beetle xksh kale ape pn(YES!!you heard me!).hrtu br tnye price kt ayh ak dia kate 200K.weeeee.speechless ak.dhla 2 pintu ssh nnt dh branak pinak.takpon bli mini-cooper or rav 4.tp mak ak ckp ak xreti jaga kete cantik2.membazir je(ske2 je kan mama.tp xkire gak)


nk yg ni bole x??plz2!!

atau yg ni
waaa!!!

or ini
oke jugak.

4. Nk beli rumah.yg ni kalo mampula.ak nk bli rmh teres 2 tgkt dkt area damansara.(haha.ngade2.mcm byk pulak terrace house kt ctu)yg pntg design rmh tu mst moden dan ade compound sendiri.ak x suke betol rmh apartment dimana ibarat terkurung dalam rmh.ak nk rmh yg parking space mmg utk ak dan xperlu nek lif sume utk smp rmh ak.tp bile pulak ak nk dok rmh tu eh?takpela.akan dipikirkn.hahak


nk mcm ni!!




mcm ni pn ok jugaklaa


5. Nk shopping.yg ni mcm tipu je sbb ltk last kali.hahaha.walaupn skg pn dh kuat shopping, tp xpernah brani nk msk kedai mahal mcm coach,DKNY,Gucci etc.kalo msk pn mst org tu tgk2 pkir minah ni mana mampu plak nk bli brg2 ni.tp pas ade duit ak nk msk je kdi2 ni(tp xdela selalu.bankrupt la ak cmni) pastu bli2 brg dr coach sume.ak bkn jns pki branded2 sgt.tp kepingin nk sesekali pki mahal kan.kalo kdi yg branded2 ni pegang t-shirt yg mcm xsiap jahit pn 400.ak tataula apsal mahal gile.mgkn kain dorg gune tu dorg dpt dr gunung ke benua mane tah






Bile bole dpt sume ni??sume pn nk!!

Wednesday 18 May 2011

aktiviti apabila waktu tak berapa nak lapang

All About Me Survey from Quizopolis.com.



I Am - fizah, who doesn't know how to describe herself but she does have big dreams (skema btol ayt)
I Want - to be happy and achieve my goals in life (skema lg)
I Have - tons of works yet i still do this freaking survey
I Wish - i was working right now because i need money and am tired of studying
I Hate - semut.no offence semut2. they're like everywhere and it's so annoying
I Fear - Allah
I Hear - gossips all the time (from gossip boy,bon)--too much credits for bon pulak dlm blog ni
I Search - for a happiness and a husband.eh wait!bf dulu br btol.hahak
I Wonder - why people can be so disrespectful and stubborn at times. you're not always right ya know
I Regret - that i'm shy during my high school years and till now (seriously!)
I Love - my family, my friends and my future husband and also my future in- laws.hahaha
I Ache - seeing my seniors have become doctors.i envy them
I Always - maintain the same weight no matter how much i ate or diet (tipu sgt part diet ni)
I Usually - isolate myself whenever i feel depressed
I Am Not - a girly girl who loves pink
I Dance - to the good beat
I Sing - out loud my fav song (bajet penyanyi hebat kn)
I Never - been in a relationship (1st thing that pop into my mind!)
I Rarely - show my real feelings to guys that i'm into them (i've got a long list of names.haha.gatal)
I Cry - alone.hate people seeing me cry
I Am Not Always - frowning!!i do smile but definitely not to perfect strangers.strangers freak me out
I Lose - my temper whenever people irritate or disrespect me
I'm Confused - with reaction of certain people. their mood is not congruent with their affect..weird
I Need - a change.tamo laazayyy..nk rajin!
I Should - have finished my psychiatric write up and seminars by now
I Dream - a lot!!i'm a day-dreamer .it's normal for an aries!


ps: i really dunno the function of line canila, underlinela dsbgnye. sy men tibai je macam yg sdg saya lakukan skg.HAHAHA

Sunday 8 May 2011

laaazaaayyy!!

kejap betul dh nk hr isnin blk.rasa kejap sgt weekend!kejamnye!!terasa sangatla malas (penah ke ak rs rajin?)xpe2 fizah.belajar rajin2.exam sem8 pn nk dekat.silelah rajin kn dr.oh yea.nk cite. senior2 ak yg year 5 bakal konvo x lame lagi.tahniahla buat mereka. tidak sia2 segala usaha dan penah lelah mereka 5 thn ni.Lg2 time before exam pro3 ni mcm nk jd org gile dh tgk dorg.xpe dh dpt jd dr dh akhirnye (jeles sebenarnye). semoga dorg jd dr yang baik dan treat patient dengan sebaik2nye.be a hollistic dr.lepas tu, dgr cite 13 org failed kene extend 6 bln lg.xdpt bygkan perasaan diorg. ak tau dorg sume usaha bersggh2 tp cuma nasib tdk menyebelahi mrk. semoga menjadi iktibar kpd ak supaya lebih tekun berusaha bkn hanya dgn membaca tp juga rajin jumpa patient and pg wad. semoga perjalanan ak mendapat degree ni berjalan dgn lancar dan ak dpt grad pd waktu yg sepatutnye. InsyaAllah. Lagi satu nk cite jugak.kerajaan dh bekukan pengambilan pelajar dlm bidang perubatan selama 5 thn dlm usaha menjaga kualiti dan bilangan dr yg dihasilkn.wow!sgt kasihan jua dgn bdk2 yg mmg dr kecik ke dr baby nk jd dr sgt.ak tataula nk ckp setuju ke x tp sepatutnye dorg dr awl kene limitkn bilangan ipts yg ada kos mdc ni.tapahamla jugak kdg2 dgn tindakan dorg ni.tapela.kos lain banyak lagi.xkn sume nk jd dr.sape nk jd pesakitnye nnt.lagipun mdc ni xbest sbnrnye tension memanjang(pengalaman 4 thn belajar) dan xkaye pn jd dr ni.dengki betol dgn bdk kos len sebenarynye bykla yg lepak2 jugak berbanding ak ni dan yg pntg dorg jugak byk cuti ye.adoi2 (ni perasaan normal bdk thn 4 pelajar perubatan menurut neurosurgeon, dr andrian).nk attach lagu fav and comel yg mmg sesuai gan jiwa ak yg sdg mls skg!heeeeeee



Saturday 7 May 2011

happy mother's day

happy mother's day to my bestest friend in d world, my mom and my everything Mrs. Maznah Binti Harun. i know it's a bit too late for the wish because it's already 7th May 2011 but ya know... better late than never. Besides, i have tons of works with psychiatry thingy.i have to finish off my works before writing another entry.i don't think my mom will be reading this though (she has no freaking idea that her daughter has been blogging for the past few month). Anyhow, i just wanna wish happy mother's day to my mom and to all wonderful mom out there. i love you so much mama.no one understands me better than you do, you help me through thick and thin and you always believe in me whenever i start to doubt myself and you always there whenever i need a shoulder to cry on. i know that i'm lazy and annoying at times and i always thought to myself " i don't deserve a mom like this" but yet Allah present me with such mom.i'm so lucky and thank you Allah for the gift. i haven't bought anything for you mama but i promise that InsyaAllah one day  i'll fulfill your dream by getting a degree in MBBS. You're the best mom i've ever had and i love you so so much


mama with cucus


during our vacation at cherating


mama and me 

here a special song for all mothers




Monday 2 May 2011

truly from the bottom of my heart

harini hr isnin dan besok bermula kembali cls.only 1 posting left iaitu short posting ( psychology,forensic, opthalmology, ENT) before msk 5th yr. semakin nk bermula postg br ni ak semakin takut.takut tak mampu nk cope with everything dan sejujurnya sepanjang cuti ni ak sentiasa sedih dan inilah cuti pertama yg buat ak sedih.sepatutnya happyla kan.lgpn budak medic jarang dpt cuti.ak bknlah seorg yg suka nk cerita or tunjuk org bile ak sedih or apa sebenarnya ak rasa. bkn nk kata xsuka tunjuk kelemahan diri tp i don't really open up to people.i just don't. but i do cry in front of my mom whenever i hv a difficult time but i don't do that kinda stuff anymore.mom is such a happy-go-lucky kinda person and honestly she's not a good-listener apatah lg nk pujuk2 lg dia x reti.but i don't blame her.she's the best mom i ever had and you could possibly ask for.maka sekarang ni, kalo ak sedih ak cerita kat sape utk krgkn rs sedih tu?ak pn xde jawapannya.i have lotsa friends but whenever i'm sad i'm always a loner. bkn bermaksud kawan ak sume lari kalau ak sedih or cr ak bile tgh2 happy2 je.bukan mcm tu.diorg sendiri pn xpernah tau ak sedih.kalau tau pn indera.itu pn ak hanya bgtau ak sedey sgt.bile ak msg mcm tu mksdnye ak mmg sgt2 sedey.kesedihan tu hanya Allah yang tau. tp depan org ak xreti nk tnjk kesedihan tu.i jz fake a smile.housemate ak pn tau bila ak sedey dan dorg mmg tanye "fizah, are u ok?".dan ak jwb "i'm fine, seriously".ain pulak selalu tanye " kitty, awk ok ke?ceritala kt kte" then i'll answer "kte okla aheng.xde crite ape2 pn".that's how it goes.so it's great to hv such frens.but i think i'm not ready to let it all out.what did i do then?i've just realized whenever i'm sad or depressed, i'll drive my car and head to any shopping mall then cr berge bsr2 and makan sorg2.lepas tu pusing2 satu mall smp rs xnk pusing dh


Kenapa cuti ni buat ak sedih dan stress sgt?


sebab utamanya ak buat clinical exam medicine dgn sgt terok smp tatau nk ckp teruknya.that's how i feel.ak taknakla cerita betapa truknye.cukupla ak ckp sgt teruk.walaupn clinical exam 30%, tapi sgt affect samaada ak akn lulus posting medicine ke x.i'm pretty sure i failed clinical xm.ak tak tau nk cakap camana lg.tulis psl ni pn dh ckp nk buat ak sedih.dan tau x knp ak sedih sgt20x?because this is my future, i've been working so hard for this.i'm not smart and i don't hv good memories like some of my frens (how i wish i had good memories) but i do work so hard because this is my future and responsibility as a daughter.exam  haritu hr khamis dgn dr chandra.lps hbs xm je ak tatau nk buat ape.ak hilang arah, bercampor aduk perasaan sedih,kecewa,bodoh20x dan tatau lg.ape ak buat?ak amek beg ak dlu igt nk terus blk tp kawan yg ak tmpg kereta belom hbs xm.ak pergi kawasan tangga tgkt atas skali berhrp situ xde org.ak duduk situ walaupn kuat bau rokok situ.mmg org selalu merokok area2 cmni.ak duduk lepas tu sdr2 ak nanges walaupn ak cuba tahan.ak x sggp nk tnjk muka kt luar.lps 10 min mcm tu ak tenangkn dr istighfar byk2.lepas tu ak kluar dr tmpt tu, cr cab kt hosp selyg then terus blk klj.kt klj pack brg sikit2 then terus blk rmh.tp sepjg perjalanan tu hanya Allah je tau perasaan sedeynye mcm mn.masa tu ak tau ak x ready nk blk rmh lg.ak cuba pikir ape yg boleh krgkn kesedihan ak.terpikir starbucks.pastu tros sggh jj keramat.smp je ctu terus cr caramel fruppacino.then nampak big apple pula( xrasa nk makan pn .tapi nk beli jugak).lps tu pusing2 tatau nk cr ape pn.pusingla smp sejam.then blk rmh


smp rmh, mama tnye "how's exam?".and i told mom "it was really20x bad and i'm so sorry mom".i couldn't cry in front of her.then terus msk blk.mmg melayan perasaan jerla dlm blk.xde mood lansung. 2-3 hr ak mcm tu dlm blk.nk study pn tade mood lansong.org msg pn xde mood nk reply.then, hr sabtu tu ak belila magazine cleo ke hape sume magazine ak beli.tgk fashion2.dr situla sibuk ajk mama shopping kt telawi street. pastu sepjg cuti ni asek shoppg je utk krgkn rs sedey.mmg krg tp lps tu sedey tu dtg blk.this thing does affect my life in every ways.


mcm tula berterusan cuti ak tanpa preparation utk xm sem8 iaitu lg 2 bln lps hbs cuti ni.dhla postg berat2. Ak harap lps hbs cuti ni ak lebih fokus.ak tau ak harus redha dgn ketentuan Allah dan ak tau setiap yg berlaku ade hikmah disebaliknya.kadang2 ak pernah terpikir, ak ni bile sedih mesti pasal pelajaran dan ak tak pernah  ade peluang pon nk sedih2 mcm org lain sbb kan boyfriend sume tu.ak jugak terpikir,layak ke ak nk amek medic sebnanye??ak ni mmg memories x sehebat bdk2 mdc lain.masa sekolah pon suka m3 gan add math je.dr dlu rmi lecturer tanye "why d'you wannabe a doc?" dan jwpn standard ak mst "i jz go with the flow".ak jugak selalu doa kt Allah, kalau ini takdir ak menjadi seorg dr, kau permudahkanlah perjalanan ak.ak redha.hmpr 4 thn ak berhempas pulas belajar medic.penat dan seksanya hanya Allah yg tau. bc facts yg byk gile yg belom tentu igt lame, exam clinical setiap 2 bln, lengkapkan log book dgn procedure2, setiap posting ade seminar,case presentation,bedside presentation, xde cuti,xde study week. tu belum masok kne marah dgn dr2 hospital lagi.org lain kalo cuti mmg bole lepak hbs2san dan xkesah pn ape yg dorg blaja sem lps.ak pulak cuti2 kene stadi dan sem lps punye jgn brani nk lupa2 kalo x hbsla.tp ak harap ak mampu tempuhinya, ak harap ak lulus semua examnya termskla posting medicine ni.i hv to work harder utk semester ni.ak ni dh msk 23 dh thn ni dan ak tak prnh bercinta ke ape sume dan mmg tatau ape2 la psl cinta ni.kt klj tu, ak la org plg krg bermsg.tp tape future dan tanggungjwb ak lg pentg dr sume tu.walaupn ak jz go with the flow but i know that i wannabe a doc!!!taknak sia2kan usaha ak yg hmpr 4 thn ni!(walaupn org len dh start nk keje dh).ak anggap suma ni ujian.Allah Maha Mengetahui


Kali ni nk attach lagu fix you by coldplay.one of my all-time fav.lagu yg m'br strength kpd ak dan dh byk kali membantu while i'm having a hard time