harini hr isnin dan besok bermula kembali cls.only 1 posting left iaitu short posting ( psychology,forensic, opthalmology, ENT) before msk 5th yr. semakin nk bermula postg br ni ak semakin takut.takut tak mampu nk cope with everything dan sejujurnya sepanjang cuti ni ak sentiasa sedih dan inilah cuti pertama yg buat ak sedih.sepatutnya happyla kan.lgpn budak medic jarang dpt cuti.ak bknlah seorg yg suka nk cerita or tunjuk org bile ak sedih or apa sebenarnya ak rasa. bkn nk kata xsuka tunjuk kelemahan diri tp i don't really open up to people.i just don't. but i do cry in front of my mom whenever i hv a difficult time but i don't do that kinda stuff anymore.mom is such a happy-go-lucky kinda person and honestly she's not a good-listener apatah lg nk pujuk2 lg dia x reti.but i don't blame her.she's the best mom i ever had and you could possibly ask for.maka sekarang ni, kalo ak sedih ak cerita kat sape utk krgkn rs sedih tu?ak pn xde jawapannya.i have lotsa friends but whenever i'm sad i'm always a loner. bkn bermaksud kawan ak sume lari kalau ak sedih or cr ak bile tgh2 happy2 je.bukan mcm tu.diorg sendiri pn xpernah tau ak sedih.kalau tau pn indera.itu pn ak hanya bgtau ak sedey sgt.bile ak msg mcm tu mksdnye ak mmg sgt2 sedey.kesedihan tu hanya Allah yang tau. tp depan org ak xreti nk tnjk kesedihan tu.i jz fake a smile.housemate ak pn tau bila ak sedey dan dorg mmg tanye "fizah, are u ok?".dan ak jwb "i'm fine, seriously".ain pulak selalu tanye " kitty, awk ok ke?ceritala kt kte" then i'll answer "kte okla aheng.xde crite ape2 pn".that's how it goes.so it's great to hv such frens.but i think i'm not ready to let it all out.what did i do then?i've just realized whenever i'm sad or depressed, i'll drive my car and head to any shopping mall then cr berge bsr2 and makan sorg2.lepas tu pusing2 satu mall smp rs xnk pusing dh
Kenapa cuti ni buat ak sedih dan stress sgt?
sebab utamanya ak buat clinical exam medicine dgn sgt terok smp tatau nk ckp teruknya.that's how i feel.ak taknakla cerita betapa truknye.cukupla ak ckp sgt teruk.walaupn clinical exam 30%, tapi sgt affect samaada ak akn lulus posting medicine ke x.i'm pretty sure i failed clinical xm.ak tak tau nk cakap camana lg.tulis psl ni pn dh ckp nk buat ak sedih.dan tau x knp ak sedih sgt20x?because this is my future, i've been working so hard for this.i'm not smart and i don't hv good memories like some of my frens (how i wish i had good memories) but i do work so hard because this is my future and responsibility as a daughter.exam haritu hr khamis dgn dr chandra.lps hbs xm je ak tatau nk buat ape.ak hilang arah, bercampor aduk perasaan sedih,kecewa,bodoh20x dan tatau lg.ape ak buat?ak amek beg ak dlu igt nk terus blk tp kawan yg ak tmpg kereta belom hbs xm.ak pergi kawasan tangga tgkt atas skali berhrp situ xde org.ak duduk situ walaupn kuat bau rokok situ.mmg org selalu merokok area2 cmni.ak duduk lepas tu sdr2 ak nanges walaupn ak cuba tahan.ak x sggp nk tnjk muka kt luar.lps 10 min mcm tu ak tenangkn dr istighfar byk2.lepas tu ak kluar dr tmpt tu, cr cab kt hosp selyg then terus blk klj.kt klj pack brg sikit2 then terus blk rmh.tp sepjg perjalanan tu hanya Allah je tau perasaan sedeynye mcm mn.masa tu ak tau ak x ready nk blk rmh lg.ak cuba pikir ape yg boleh krgkn kesedihan ak.terpikir starbucks.pastu tros sggh jj keramat.smp je ctu terus cr caramel fruppacino.then nampak big apple pula( xrasa nk makan pn .tapi nk beli jugak).lps tu pusing2 tatau nk cr ape pn.pusingla smp sejam.then blk rmh
smp rmh, mama tnye "how's exam?".and i told mom "it was really20x bad and i'm so sorry mom".i couldn't cry in front of her.then terus msk blk.mmg melayan perasaan jerla dlm blk.xde mood lansung. 2-3 hr ak mcm tu dlm blk.nk study pn tade mood lansong.org msg pn xde mood nk reply.then, hr sabtu tu ak belila magazine cleo ke hape sume magazine ak beli.tgk fashion2.dr situla sibuk ajk mama shopping kt telawi street. pastu sepjg cuti ni asek shoppg je utk krgkn rs sedey.mmg krg tp lps tu sedey tu dtg blk.this thing does affect my life in every ways.
mcm tula berterusan cuti ak tanpa preparation utk xm sem8 iaitu lg 2 bln lps hbs cuti ni.dhla postg berat2. Ak harap lps hbs cuti ni ak lebih fokus.ak tau ak harus redha dgn ketentuan Allah dan ak tau setiap yg berlaku ade hikmah disebaliknya.kadang2 ak pernah terpikir, ak ni bile sedih mesti pasal pelajaran dan ak tak pernah ade peluang pon nk sedih2 mcm org lain sbb kan boyfriend sume tu.ak jugak terpikir,layak ke ak nk amek medic sebnanye??ak ni mmg memories x sehebat bdk2 mdc lain.masa sekolah pon suka m3 gan add math je.dr dlu rmi lecturer tanye "why d'you wannabe a doc?" dan jwpn standard ak mst "i jz go with the flow".ak jugak selalu doa kt Allah, kalau ini takdir ak menjadi seorg dr, kau permudahkanlah perjalanan ak.ak redha.hmpr 4 thn ak berhempas pulas belajar medic.penat dan seksanya hanya Allah yg tau. bc facts yg byk gile yg belom tentu igt lame, exam clinical setiap 2 bln, lengkapkan log book dgn procedure2, setiap posting ade seminar,case presentation,bedside presentation, xde cuti,xde study week. tu belum masok kne marah dgn dr2 hospital lagi.org lain kalo cuti mmg bole lepak hbs2san dan xkesah pn ape yg dorg blaja sem lps.ak pulak cuti2 kene stadi dan sem lps punye jgn brani nk lupa2 kalo x hbsla.tp ak harap ak mampu tempuhinya, ak harap ak lulus semua examnya termskla posting medicine ni.i hv to work harder utk semester ni.ak ni dh msk 23 dh thn ni dan ak tak prnh bercinta ke ape sume dan mmg tatau ape2 la psl cinta ni.kt klj tu, ak la org plg krg bermsg.tp tape future dan tanggungjwb ak lg pentg dr sume tu.walaupn ak jz go with the flow but i know that i wannabe a doc!!!taknak sia2kan usaha ak yg hmpr 4 thn ni!(walaupn org len dh start nk keje dh).ak anggap suma ni ujian.Allah Maha Mengetahui
Kali ni nk attach lagu fix you by coldplay.one of my all-time fav.lagu yg m'br strength kpd ak dan dh byk kali membantu while i'm having a hard time
Kenapa cuti ni buat ak sedih dan stress sgt?
sebab utamanya ak buat clinical exam medicine dgn sgt terok smp tatau nk ckp teruknya.that's how i feel.ak taknakla cerita betapa truknye.cukupla ak ckp sgt teruk.walaupn clinical exam 30%, tapi sgt affect samaada ak akn lulus posting medicine ke x.i'm pretty sure i failed clinical xm.ak tak tau nk cakap camana lg.tulis psl ni pn dh ckp nk buat ak sedih.dan tau x knp ak sedih sgt20x?because this is my future, i've been working so hard for this.i'm not smart and i don't hv good memories like some of my frens (how i wish i had good memories) but i do work so hard because this is my future and responsibility as a daughter.exam haritu hr khamis dgn dr chandra.lps hbs xm je ak tatau nk buat ape.ak hilang arah, bercampor aduk perasaan sedih,kecewa,bodoh20x dan tatau lg.ape ak buat?ak amek beg ak dlu igt nk terus blk tp kawan yg ak tmpg kereta belom hbs xm.ak pergi kawasan tangga tgkt atas skali berhrp situ xde org.ak duduk situ walaupn kuat bau rokok situ.mmg org selalu merokok area2 cmni.ak duduk lepas tu sdr2 ak nanges walaupn ak cuba tahan.ak x sggp nk tnjk muka kt luar.lps 10 min mcm tu ak tenangkn dr istighfar byk2.lepas tu ak kluar dr tmpt tu, cr cab kt hosp selyg then terus blk klj.kt klj pack brg sikit2 then terus blk rmh.tp sepjg perjalanan tu hanya Allah je tau perasaan sedeynye mcm mn.masa tu ak tau ak x ready nk blk rmh lg.ak cuba pikir ape yg boleh krgkn kesedihan ak.terpikir starbucks.pastu tros sggh jj keramat.smp je ctu terus cr caramel fruppacino.then nampak big apple pula( xrasa nk makan pn .tapi nk beli jugak).lps tu pusing2 tatau nk cr ape pn.pusingla smp sejam.then blk rmh
smp rmh, mama tnye "how's exam?".and i told mom "it was really20x bad and i'm so sorry mom".i couldn't cry in front of her.then terus msk blk.mmg melayan perasaan jerla dlm blk.xde mood lansung. 2-3 hr ak mcm tu dlm blk.nk study pn tade mood lansong.org msg pn xde mood nk reply.then, hr sabtu tu ak belila magazine cleo ke hape sume magazine ak beli.tgk fashion2.dr situla sibuk ajk mama shopping kt telawi street. pastu sepjg cuti ni asek shoppg je utk krgkn rs sedey.mmg krg tp lps tu sedey tu dtg blk.this thing does affect my life in every ways.
mcm tula berterusan cuti ak tanpa preparation utk xm sem8 iaitu lg 2 bln lps hbs cuti ni.dhla postg berat2. Ak harap lps hbs cuti ni ak lebih fokus.ak tau ak harus redha dgn ketentuan Allah dan ak tau setiap yg berlaku ade hikmah disebaliknya.kadang2 ak pernah terpikir, ak ni bile sedih mesti pasal pelajaran dan ak tak pernah ade peluang pon nk sedih2 mcm org lain sbb kan boyfriend sume tu.ak jugak terpikir,layak ke ak nk amek medic sebnanye??ak ni mmg memories x sehebat bdk2 mdc lain.masa sekolah pon suka m3 gan add math je.dr dlu rmi lecturer tanye "why d'you wannabe a doc?" dan jwpn standard ak mst "i jz go with the flow".ak jugak selalu doa kt Allah, kalau ini takdir ak menjadi seorg dr, kau permudahkanlah perjalanan ak.ak redha.hmpr 4 thn ak berhempas pulas belajar medic.penat dan seksanya hanya Allah yg tau. bc facts yg byk gile yg belom tentu igt lame, exam clinical setiap 2 bln, lengkapkan log book dgn procedure2, setiap posting ade seminar,case presentation,bedside presentation, xde cuti,xde study week. tu belum masok kne marah dgn dr2 hospital lagi.org lain kalo cuti mmg bole lepak hbs2san dan xkesah pn ape yg dorg blaja sem lps.ak pulak cuti2 kene stadi dan sem lps punye jgn brani nk lupa2 kalo x hbsla.tp ak harap ak mampu tempuhinya, ak harap ak lulus semua examnya termskla posting medicine ni.i hv to work harder utk semester ni.ak ni dh msk 23 dh thn ni dan ak tak prnh bercinta ke ape sume dan mmg tatau ape2 la psl cinta ni.kt klj tu, ak la org plg krg bermsg.tp tape future dan tanggungjwb ak lg pentg dr sume tu.walaupn ak jz go with the flow but i know that i wannabe a doc!!!taknak sia2kan usaha ak yg hmpr 4 thn ni!(walaupn org len dh start nk keje dh).ak anggap suma ni ujian.Allah Maha Mengetahui
Kali ni nk attach lagu fix you by coldplay.one of my all-time fav.lagu yg m'br strength kpd ak dan dh byk kali membantu while i'm having a hard time
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